A Rusty Guide to Student Life #2
I get really excited when people bump into me on Queen Street. I search their face for any landmarks of recognition; uncontrollable face hair, overgrown moles or eye infections, like most of my friends have. I am deeply disappointed when I am confronted with the question;
"Ah, miss, ah, you got any spare change?"
I am now struck with a huge decision; do I buy their friendship? Or do I say no and feel guilty for five minutes until I remember that I have my own drug addiction to support.
Okay, so I don't have a drug problem. I don't know how you're going to feel about this so I'm just going to put it out there; drugs aren't cool. Even ask the bums on Queen Street (you might have to pay for their answer though).
This one time when I was in America with my mum and grandma
(bad combination; think juice after having a bowl of cereal), we were
lost and we had to ask a homeless guy for directions and he wouldn't
tell us until we paid him. Are American bums smarter than New Zealand
bums?
Nothing is free these days, well maybe the free sausages
from AuSM, but I am always wondering is that some kind of conspiracy?
What do they put in the sausages? Questions are never asked, it's
always "OOO free sausages!" And before you know it you're standing in
the middle of the quad with a tissue in your hand soaked in tomato
sauce thinking, "What just happened?"
To be honest I rarely eat
the free sausages. Sausages are kind of creepy. Like sausage dogs, what
kinds of genes produce a dog that looks like a sausage? Or more
importantly what kind of mental decides to use intestine and left-over
carcass and make something edible? Beats me.
Questions. They
must be asked. Always ask questions. No matter how stupid you may think
you appear, who cares, how do you think people got to be smart? Smart
people were dumb once too; until they asked questions.
Never
pay for answers. That's how religions are started (cough...
Scientology). But feel free to charge people for your own answers,
start a business like our pioneering American bum, just don't waste it
on drugs.
As students it is our turn to ask questions. But
DON'T, NEVER EVER, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, I JUST LIKE USING CAPS,
ask questions that extend a lecture.
You've just lost an hour
of what precious time you have left in your life and the big hand is
finally closer to the little hand (I'm talking about the clock, Michael
Jackson jokes are older than yo mama) and the lecturer asks "are there
any questions?" NO THERE ARE NO QUESTIONS! This is a rhetorical
question, and the lecturer will take another 10 minutes to answer it
(you do
the math).
I hope you've learnt something.
This week's quote of inspiration: "Questions are the key to the mind, the answers will be found in the room." Anon.
