Editorial
Jeditorial #25
Written by Ryan Boyd
Tuesday, 04 November 2008
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Ahhh, 25 issues are finally over. Some
were good, some very average in places, some moments of brilliance,
we had it all. Ok so this actually is the last issue many of you will
read for this year, and unless you come back for Summer School, this
may be the last time we have our weekly one sided conversation. Sob.
Will I be returning next year? I don't
know, do you want me to? It will depend on whether or not my boss
meets my demands and installs a BBQ in my office, fires three people
of my choosing, and books The Weakerthans for Orientation. I guess
you will find out when you pick up issue 1 next year whether or not I
got what I asked for.
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Jeditorial #24
Written by Ryan Boyd
Monday, 20 October 2008
Well, here we are, standing like
Buttercup and Westley as they prepared for their inevitable
separation after a whirlwind romance. I will miss you, almost as much
as you will miss me, but alas we will be reunited unless pirates
kidnap me. You just have to wait a while before I become your servant
boy once more. Or so I thought.
Turns out that this isn't the last
issue of debate for the year. It's not even the 2nd to
last. What the hell is going on? One day I was gently skiting to Sue,
my boss, that I would soon have no more work to do and commence
spending my days reading AVClub, when she said: "I can't get
enough of this beautiful publication; I can't live without it. I
implore you, please, make an extra issue, just for me." I'm
paraphrasing, of course.
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Jeditorial #23
Written by Ryan Boyd
Monday, 13 October 2008
What you hold in you sweaty, hairy
palms is the great political debate issue of debate. It's a
collector's edition, so if you're a collector this is gold. Also,
you're a loser. When I turned 18 the first thing I did
was got a video store membership, then a library one. I felt so
adult. Then someone told me there were other things I could now do,
such as go outdoors at night and vote. Neither interested me though
and I didn't vote that year partly because I was apathetic and
lazy, and partly because that wasn't an election year. But then the
next year was and I again failed to make it to the polls. However, it
wasn't just because I was lazy, this time I did have a good excuse:
I forgot. (Of all the facts in this column so far, that is the most
true.)
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Jeditorial #22
Written by Ryan Boyd
Monday, 06 October 2008
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Doesn't it suck when you've got a
great idea for something and then you put all this time and effort
into it (like at all the ad breaks during Flavor of Love), only for
it to kick you in the balls and leave you lying helpless on the
pavement outside a kebab shop? Well my editorial for this week was
going to be about the AuSM Awesome Awards and why you should vote for
me as Best AuSM Staff. Not because I want to win, but I just want to
see everyone else in the office lose and then taunt them every single
day. But then they what they do? They go and scrap my category.
Biatches. I think it was because the other AuSM staff members were
intimidated by my Obamaness and pulled a Florida and rigged it just
to spite me. They knew they were going to lose so they called it off
to save their embarrassment. David Victor, I can only imagine you
were behind this. Office politics, eh?
So while I may not be "technically"
"eligible" for any "awards", that doesn't mean you
shouldn't vote for me. I am this year's Nader. I may have no
chance of winning, but you know, it's the principle. Besides, I
think I can justify my inclusion in some categories.
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Jeditorial #21
Written by Ryan Boyd
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
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Did you have a lovely World Hug a
Vegetarian Day? It was on Sunday in case you weren't
paying attention. I am one of those freaks that doesn't
eat meat, so Hug a Vegetarian Day is a pretty big day on my calendar.
Since it fell on a Sunday, feel free to drop in to my office this
week to give me my hug. No penalties for lateness. However, since I
don't like touching people and am fundamentally opposed to hugging
people I like, let alone you lower classes (also known as "readers"),
it will only be an "air hug" with a strict minimum 20cm gap
maintained at all times, but it's the thought that counts.
With the exception of the odd drunken
"slip-up" I haven't eaten meat for about 18 months now, but a
lot of people I know don't know this about me because when I made
the decision to go veg, I said to myself "Ryan, you know those guys
who are always telling you the way you live is wrong and you need to
convert now?", to which I ask, "You mean Jehovah's Witnesses?",
and I reply "No, those banks at Orientation. Anyway, shut up for a
second. Those bank pushers annoy me because they are too pushy and
annoying."
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