Of course I am making light of the fact
that this will be my last issue as Jeditor of this fine publication,
while in reality (or at least the reality that I live in) I am quite
sad to be leaving, or at least I would be if I had emotions and that
pesky thing you know as a "conscience". If I had a heart, it
would be breaking right now, but I don't so it isn't. Anyway,
life goes on, ob-la-di, or some shit. I look forward to my new job as
PR Manager for the National Front. I like a challenge. (Um, just
kidding with that whole Nation Front thing for anyone late to the
game. I don't want my legacy to be "that racist editor we used to
have". Actually I'm off to work for an English language newspaper
in Poland, not joking.)
Back to debate, the next issue will
feature a new editor, who I hope you will meet with open arms and
legs, like you should have done for me. So now that I have nothing
left to lose I will let rip on all those people, places and things
that I detested about my time here. Sort of like a tell all exposé
on my time with debate with all the juicy insider knowledge that
feeds the pent-up rage residing in my cerebral cortex.
Unfortunately, aside from the jealous
abuse I get for being the best looking AuSM staff member, my time
here has actually been rather pleasant and I am also still waiting
for a reference from Sue, my boss, so I will say that it has been fun
working here and everyone has been super cool to work with.*
Since I can't leave you with some
scandal making, MOW** material, I do want to leave you with some
lasting wisdom, a special gift for you that will carry you through
your studies and the rest of your lives. It is a simple lesson, but
one that cannot be stressed strongly enough. It is this: watch
Arrested Development. Go to JB Hi-Fi today and buy the complete
series. Do not waste time hiring it out to see if you like it first,
do not collect $200, just take my word for it. I'm going to go out
on a limb (Gedditt? If so send in what I am referring to and get some
movie tickets) and say I think it is better than The Simpsons. And
believe me, I am about as big a (classic) Simpsons nut as you can
get.
So anyway, this is my last day sitting
here writing these love letters to you and I hope you enjoy the new
editor who starts next week. No one outside of my close associates
has heard of this announcement, including the contributors, so it may
come as quite a shock, but if you sit down and take some deep
breaths, it will pass.
For reasons I cannot disclose we were
unable to make any formal declaration from the rooftops until now,
which made it difficult to find my replacement but we did find
someone, Justice is her name (and reputation) and she will be the one
sitting behind the desk as you read this. Of course she won't be as
good as me, but it is hard to improve on perfection. It will also be
interesting to see if she matches my level of self-laudation, which
may in fact be impossible, as my level of self-laudation is far
superior than any human could ever hope to achieve, except maybe
Russell Crowe.
Overall I am happy with the way the
magazine has grown over the last year, and I thank you the reader so
much for reading my words. I just hope it can continue the path to
prosperity with the yellow bricks I have laid.
Thanks for reading and I will see you
in your dreams. Now go on and get writing those "we'll miss you"
letters to appease my ego.
Sincerely,
Hot Ryan "Bad" Boyd
*Except David Victor. What a dick.
** That's "Movie of the Week".
Try and keep up.
Subscribe to this comment's feed