Jeditorial #21

I, getting a little put off by my lack of reasoning behind the argument, say "But maybe they're just looking out for what's best for you, and did you realise you used both ‘annoy' and ‘push' twice in that sentence? That's some pretty poor grammar."

I, expecting myself to say that, have this one sorted: "Maybe, but it's my bad decision to make, and I'm happy with it." That shut myself up.

So you see, I convinced myself not to be one of those preachy types who goes on and on about why eating meat is bad for you and trying to convert everyone I meet. I don't care if you do; it's your heart you're clogging. I don't want you preaching to me about why meat is so great (I used to eat it, I know what I'm not missing), or why your pyramid scheme is so fantastic, or why my belief in whatever the hell I believe in is wrong and only yours is the right path. Overly opinionated and stubborn people piss me off.

That being said (and me being the hypocrite I am), here are a few quick facts that may interest you:

• It is more environmentally friendly to be vegetarian than drive a hybrid car

• You can get all your dietary requirements from various non-meat food sources

• Vegetarians live longer and suffer from fewer cases of heart disease, Alzheimer's, obesity, diabetes, cancer, strokes, food poisoning and many more life-threatening ailments

• If Natalie Portman does it, it must be cool (hi honey)

• It's much much cheaper than eating meat everyday

• It's way easier than you think

And the most important reason of all:

• I won't go out with you unless you give up the meat.*

October 1 is World Vegetarian Day, so the least you can do is go this one day without meat and see what it's like. Who knows, you may even enjoy it.

Ok I'll get off my high horse now and talk about something that you all want to hear about...

Nup, I can't do it. Some evil and unseeable imp from the bowels of the mythical South Island has wrapped its vice-like grip around the part of my brain that these ravings usually emerge from. I've been to the doctor and it turns out I am suffering from a chronic bout of writer's block which has meant I am unable to finish this column. Not even with all the exciting things going on around us. Writing like at least 5 articles (some as long as your essays) a week has taken its toll and left my mind empty of inspiration.

Even though my head is my second favourite organ, amputation may be the only option before the disease spreads down to the rest of my body. It's for the greater good.

*Unless you're really really hot.