Jeditorial #24

So while I'm saying this is the official last issue, there will be a bonus issue next week, and then another issue in December for all the Summer School peeps. You know how like how a band says this is their last song then like 2 minutes later come back out and play their biggest hit, it's the same deal except we have no hits.

So let's pretend this is the last one and thus take the opportunity to say controversial things without the threat of being fired and printing all your hatemail. Here we go.

I am bigger than Jesus.

You see, following 2000 years of evolution since Jesus died, humans have continued to grow in size and average heights and weights are now larger than ever before. Also I am a bit over the current average height; therefore I can confidently come to the conclusion that I am taller than Jesus was. True, he may have been freakishly tall, but I have never heard that. (Although to be fair, my knowledge of the Bible isn't exactly as good as my knowledge of Deep Space 9; probably not even as good as my knowledge of Enterprise.)

Hitler was right.

Any history book will confirm my claim. Adolf Hitler was a fascist, leaning more than slightly towards the right. You can't say he was left. Stalin was left.

Anyway, enough controversy, it's thank you time.

Thank you to the contributors. Without you there would be no debate. You know who you are and please don't put me as a reference on your CVs. I'm very honest to the point of insanity so your potential employers may actually not like me telling them that you have a poor understanding of contractions and like to touch yourself at thoughts of flames.

Thank you to Sue, my boss and AuSM General Manager, for tolerating my messy work area and never yelling at me.

Thank you to David Victor for... I'm sure I'll think of something. 3 days later: Nup, got nothing.

Thank you to AuSM Liaison guru Nick Buckby for not being upset at being usurped as the most smartest person in the office.

Thank you to my team of Jared, Talia, Clint and Juita for making my job easier, but you're all fired. I think I can do a better job on my own. Sorry for doing it in a public place but I do enjoy making grand gestures.

Thank you to Ugly Ryan Waite for getting a ping pong table. And nothing else.

Thank you to (warning: shameless sellout alert!) Brady for keeping me alert with all the Red Bull over the year. Red Bull is the greatest most bestest super drink ever and we should all feed it to our young and water our crops with it. It even cures cancer! (Please note: Red Bull's legal team may have a different view of such claims, as well as science in general.)

Thank you to Fiona for training me in this position, but since you probably won't read this I'll stop talking about you now.

If you're not on this list, there's a reason.

I suppose I should thank you for reading over the year and not complaining too much about the spelling and grammar mistakes. Trust me, you don't need to; I know about them and I'm not exaggerating when I say they keep me awake at nights.

No thank you to: the people who never read, contributed to, or even looked at debate. Since they won't be reading this I can say lots of bad stuff about them. They all kill kittens and sacrifice them to Satan*.

For those of you returning next year, think about getting involved with debate. It's more rewarding than not contributing. If you've ever picked up a copy and said "I could do better," then stop whining and prove it. Plus you get to... nah there's no plusses, it just makes my job easier.

Now that I'm done with my thank yous, I have no idea what I'm going to do for next week's Jeditorial. Something about manatees?

*Allegedly.