Fashion battle of the campii #2

Fake fur
See my vest! See my vest! Made of real gorilla chest!
Pros: Thinking you to be one of their kind, flocks of animals will be attracted to you, meaning you will never be short of friends.
Cons: High probability of getting covered in bird poop (apologies for saying ‘poop’. My dad hates it when I use “bad language” in these articles). Also a high probability of being mauled.
Verdict: 1/10

Serious beards
Wellesley has the second-year goatee. Ako boys have SERIOUS BEARDS.
Pros: Birds will use your face as a nest, meaning that you will never be short of friends.
Cons: See above.
Verdict: 5/10

Ugg boots
More like fug boots.
Pros:  I’m running out of witty things to say about clothing items that are truly tragic. I’m sorry, Akoranga; I tried.
Cons: Do you really need me to spell it out?
Verdict: 0/10

After about eight minutes of sartorial sleuthing, I realised that there was no way I’d be able to dredge up enough fashion news to fill up a whole article. Instead, I decided that while I was there, I should give a voice to these oft-ignored Akoranga-ans and set to interviewing Helga, and friend Prudence, as to what they thought about their campus.
    It was an interview that warmed the cockles of my heart, as I discovered that, despite their penchant for track pants, Akoranga-ans have the same priorities as me – namely, kebabs. According to my sources, there is a mysterious kebab store in the cafeteria which, on the first day of the semester, sported a promising ‘coming soon’ sign. My salivating interviewees were rudely disappointed, however, and I’m told that after many long, kebab-less months, there is now NO ‘coming soon’ sign; instead, a sheet of plastic has been stretched over the store LIKE A BODY BAG OVER A CORPSE (dun dun dunnnn). Where are the delicious kebabies, AUT?! Provide us with the falafel-y goodness or suffer my journalistic wrath!
    Overall, I would dub my fashion battle of the campii a sparkling success. I learnt a lot about my fellow AUT-ians; I hope you did too. No matter how much we at Wellesley might snigger at Ako’s sweat-encrusted sneakers, and no matter how much contempt “those Communications girls” might inspire in the more sports-inclined students, we are all essentially the same underneath. Somewhere deep inside, I occasionally long to be the kind of person who can roll out of bed ten minutes before the start of a lecture, throw on a pair of trackies and be good to go. For Helga’s part, she wishes that the Akoranga Vesbar could take a leaf from Wellesley’s book and serve more than two (yes, there are only TWO, and they are Tui and Export, in case you were wondering) types of beer on tap. In that regard, I think there’s a little bit of the spirit of the other campus in all of us.