To make this easier on myself, I'm
going to write about my favourite NZ designers, Lonely Hearts. They
started off in...
Okay.
I was pretty sure they started off in
Wellington, but I wanted to check before putting it in print in case
I looked like an arse. Their website was no help, Runway Reporter was
no help, but Thread, now Thread turned out to be just the kind of
help I needed - the help I didn't expect.
Crowded up against the top left hand of
the screen, in Palahniuk-satisfying cornflower blue, are words that
scare me.
"Who should host NZ Project Runway?"
As if that wasn't horrifying enough,
the blasted thing is a poll. Your options:
Paula Ryan - Creative Director of
glossy fashion rag Simply You and designer of Paula Ryan Essentials,
founding Editor of Fashion Quarterly... would Paula Ryan have TIME to
judge a reality TV show? Especially with the formats stretching
themselves out thinner and thinner, cramming less and less anything
into more and more time... Some have said (to steal a phrase from Fox
News and to use it in the same way as they do: to put forward my own
agenda while lending it false credibility to the gullible) that soon
it will take two weeks for a single contestant to leave, a single
challenge to be completed. Paula's definitely got the chops but she's
played the game for so long, do we really want to find out exactly
what it has made her... In our living rooms?
Pieter Stewart - Matriarch of Fashion
Week, wife of kiddy-fiddling creep Peter Stewart. She wears the
pants, he takes them off inappropriately. Would be good as a Simon
figure, ripping shreds out of hapless designers like they were work
experience students taking 45 minutes to work out how to use a
photocopier.
Petra Bagust - The pudding proof of
the dismality of the opportunities provided by a career in New
Zealand broadcasting. You can never trust that these gals are
dressing themselves so I'm not sure if her consistent blandness is
the fault of a stylist, a dressing arrangement with Sussan or Postie
Plus, the reflection of middle NZ's mediocrity or a personal failing
on Petra's part. No matter which way you slice it, I can't see the
smallest of reasons to qualify Petra as a judge of creativity.
Rachel Hunter - Call me something
uncomplimentary, but I've never been a big Rach fan. She just looks
SO GOD DAMNED KIWI, her regrowth always seems to need touching up,
and she has a tacky flower tattoo on her hip AND, research reveals, a
half moon tattoo on her shoulder. Classy? Me thinks not. Last year
she released a swim wear range called Lola with a co-designer which
has a few promising ideas but is all over the place and definitely
not polished enough to give her any sort of high ground when dealing
with the hopefuls.
Karen Walker - She tackled the
swanndri with results I can't judge because I don't give enough of a
shit to, really. A quick browse of their website reveals a 70% off
sale instore and online. A sign of the looming depression or has
Karen failed to make the swanni cool enough to survive? Her touch is
evident in the models - ginger, pre-pubescent and far too skinny to
survive in any climate which would require the use of a swanndri.
Karen Walker is just one of those names you've heard way more times
than you care to think about, but about whom you really know nothing
and don't care to either.
Trelise Cooper - Trelise has to be my
pick for judge if I was forced at gunpoint, assuming the gun had a
bayonet attached, to take part in this ridiculous exercise or even
implicitly endorse it by stating my preference. I like her big mop of
curly blonde hair and she reminds me of my nana. Now, Trelise, if
you're reading this, please don't get offended - my nana is totally
awesome. She is an award winning (and judging) hairdresser and one of
the more beautiful souls in this strange decreasingly-green world.
I'm not ashamed to admit I have a Trelise Cooper top, and a rather
lovely one at that. She's got stage presence, she's a V-E-T-E-R-A-N
NZ designer, and she'd actually have constructive things to say to
the contestants. Trelise is also the most rock n roll suggestion
Thread offered. A touchy feely gut decision - which is how I make
all my decisions. As should you.
And now for the most important part of
the debate - MY suggestion for NZ Project Runway judge. I would
pick annaloren but she'd probably refuse to get out of bed and I'd
end up doing it. And my cynical snipings are too corrosive for prime
time free-to-air. So, my runner up but actually winning vote is cast
in favor of Margi Robertson, head designer of Nom*D. I've had the
privilege of working with Margi before and I think she'd be the
perfect blend of sincere compliments, honest appraisals and ball
busting critiques. She has the technical knowledge and the creativity
to authoritatively pass judgment on the designs and products of
others. Plus she's got a great raggedy aesthetic so we won't have the
frustration of watching the truly great stumble by overreaching
themselves with the available time and offering unfinished hems or
parts sewn on inside out accidentally.
Yours in superiority,
BiCurious George.
PS. THE MIDNIGHT ROCK N ROLL CIRCUS,
SATURDAY MIDNIGHTS ON ALT TV, SKY 65 OR WWW.ALTTV.CO.NZ
FOR FREE LIVE STREAMING.... What, you didn't think I could go an
entire article without a single plug, did you?
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