The Six Commandments of dressing thyself while hungover

On the plus side: I looked ok (at least, as ok as one can look when a death metal band has taken up residence in one's head) and was pretty comfortable (at least, as comfortable as one can be when one's teeth have turned into hamsters). And that, my little sugar doughnuts, is because I follow the six commandments of dressing thyself while hungover. An arduous task at best, I decided to present it here for you in an easy-to-follow format, so you too can be comfortable and look at least semi-human while secretly, inside, wanting to crawl into a gutter and die.

1. Thou shalt not recycle last night's clothes

...because it may seem like the easiest option at the time, but it's really, really, really (if I repeat the word ‘really' enough, will you believe me?) not a good idea. Jeans you can probably get away with - just spray ‘em with a bit of perfume, chuck ‘em in the dryer and you're good to go - but for the love of that person who has to sit next to you in the lecture theatre, leave everything else crumpled up on the floor where it belongs.

2. If staying at someone else's house, thou shalt steal

...anything and everything you can find in their closet that could possibly constitute an outfit. Floor-length velvet gown? Velvet is so hot right now. Oversized Adidas t-shirt? Make like Tyra Banks and work it, girlfriend. Anything is better than wearing last night's ash-encrusted rags. If all else fails, at least brush the remains of that 3am kebab off your top, you dirty hippie.

3. Thou shalt wear flat shoes

...because slipping and falling in a puddle of your own vomit is never a good look.

4. Thou shalt not wear white anything

...just in case you do slip and fall in a puddle of your own vomit.

5. Thou shalt wear a big jacket (with easy-to-work fastenings)

...because bitch, you are going to be cold. (And then hot. And then cold. And then hot. And then cold. And then hot. And then...)

6. Thou shalt wear gigantic fuck-off sunglasses

...in the hopes that everyone will, ahem, fuck off. Keep ‘em on in the lecture theatre and rock the "I'm not hungover, I'm an eccentric artiste" buzz. Everyone will believe you. (Promise. Why would I lie?)

Burning sartorial questions (burning like venereal disease)? Favourite episodes of The Mighty Boosh to share? Email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it