If you can remember annaloren's column
last week (don't worry if you can't, I doubt she can either) you
might have picked up that a wee bit of rock n rolling has been
happening in The Midnight Rock n Roll Circus Tent (aka 'our flat').
Unfortunately this has left annaloren in a state completely unfit to
wipe her own ass, let alone write this article. She does look great, though. As great
as one can look when throwing whatever is nearby at the infidel who
dares disturb her rest.
So what, who cares?
YOU! You care. Want to know why you
care?
Because it means that instead of
getting an article by annaloren you are instead blessed with the
privilege of holding in your hot little hands the musings of
BiCurious George, ringmaster of The Midnight Rock n Roll Circus
(Saturday midnights, Alt TV... Come on, you know this stuff).
Fittingly enough, we are here to talk
about rock n roll. You may be mistakenly thinking that rock n roll is
simply a kind of music, moreover one which is dead.
Aaah, you simple little creature. Allow
me a moment to pat you condescendingly on the head.
Rock n roll is a philosophy, a way of
life. It is about having as much fun as one can as often as one can,
and paying as little price as possible. Keith Richards is the Father,
David Bowie the Son and John Lennon the Holy Ghost. Scarlett
Johannsen is rock n roll (if you haven't heard her album of Tom Waits
covers, don't tell anyone and skip your next class to go to Real
Groovy), Keira Knightley is not. Beginning to get it yet?
What rock n roll is NOT includes greasy
black hair, crappy tattoos, black skinny jeans and those tops you can
get pre-ripped and safety pinned. It is not fake vintage tees with
60's and 70's band logos on the chest, nor is it fragmented motifs of
gothic writing and cheesy swirls.
Rock n roll can't be bought from a
store (well, the music can, and if you haven't bought any rock n roll
recently then stop reading right now and get your act together) and
it especially cannot be ordered from a website.
Rock n roll is about wearing what you
want, what you can find, what you were wearing when you arrived last
night, what doesn't have vodka or vomit on it, what's closest at
hand when you fall out of bed late, what makes you feel comfortable,
and what you actually like.
Rock n roll is about style, not
fashion. If it's in a shop window, it is not rock n roll. If you
haven't the faintest clue as to where you got it, you're getting
somewhere.
The great thing about rock n roll style
is the flexibility. If you wear it like you mean it, you can pull it
off (and others will want to pull it off of you too). One cautionary
note, however: this does not include anything that looks like it may
have been worn in the 80s.
From surreal and androgynous costumes a
la Bowie (or, for a closer to home equivalent, The Midnight Rock n
Roll Circus... I would apologise for my blatant plugs, but I'm sure
you're all used to it by now) to the rattiest of Jim Morrison-esque
thrift store throw-outs, rock n roll has room for any and all
original expressions of style.
It doesn't, however, have room for
posers, fakers or any other ers I decide I don't like.
Do you like women, BiCurious George?
Because you haven't given the ladies much so far in this article...
It is true, unfortunately, that rock n
roll is a male dominated sphere. The key to finding your rock n roll
muse, ladies, is to look further than C fucking 4.
If you're too lazy to do so, then a)
stop being so fucking lazy and b) look to Marianne Faithfull, Nico,
Amanda Palmer, Regina Spektor, Melissa auf der Maur, Siouxie Sioux,
Patti Smith, Debbie Harry... Hell, even Dolly Parton. Scratch the
boobs but keep the genuine smile and sense of humor (you'll need it
if you catch sight of yourself in a shop window).
Be brave, children, and bold...
But most of all be rock n roll.
Your saviour,
BiCurious George.
PS. The Midnight Rock n Roll Circus
streams LIVE every Saturday night from www.alttv.co.nz...
One last plug to stop it all dripping out the bottom.
PPS. annaloren will be back next week,
probably. I can't promise though... The rock n roll is strong in this
one.
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