Aquarius -This week, you're the kid that
everyone looks at like "Oh what a great friend." Do something
badass so people will want to get with you.
Pisces -The sun is here! Jack some slippery
plastic from a building site and jazz yourself up a kickass slippery
slide.
Aries -Guys - Just because you stand at the
BBQ flipping the meat doesn't mean you're a man. Girls - Drinking wine out of a cask
bag doesn't make you hot, no matter how short your skirt is.
Taurus -Next time you're feeling good about
yourself, just think about how much damage you're doing to the
environment.
Gemini - Fuck the environment, cover a Taurus in
petrol and ignite some CFCs.
Cancer -It doesn't matter how fast you finish
that Sudoku, nobody wants to get freaky with a geeky so loosen up.
Drink a beer or something.
Leo -The planets are aligning perfectly for
you to be on TV this week! Wear nice clothes every day, you don't
want your fans thinking that you're scruffy.
Virgo -There's a chance that you'll be
involved in a car accident this week. It's not an abnormally high
chance, just the usual chance.
Libra -You might find a new religion this
week, be on the lookout for anyone sounding relatively intelligent,
they could be a spiritual leader.
Scorpio -Think about what YOU would do if you
saw someone else doing what you did last night. If the answer is
vomit, stop doing that.
Sagittarius -The easiest way to get the new warm
weather fashions is to clothesline other people's goodies. Make
sure you hit up a good suburb like Orakei or Remuera. They can be
heavily secured, but the Dolce is worth it.
Capricorn -Take random advice from your student
magazine this week. Donate to a charity, it'll make you feel nice
on the inside.
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