Aquarius You
know how you keep losing socks from your washing? It's the thieving
Dutch.
Pisces Get
a slave. It will get you so much more free time to spend on yourself.
Aries The
opposite sex will this week be turned on by your drunken karaoke and
poor hygiene. It will never happen again so make the most of it.
Gemini Don't
eat meat for a week, or fruit, or vegetables, or wheat, or dairy, or
nuts. Trust me, you will feel amazing.
Leo Attack
is the best form of defence, so be vigilant and always carry a plank
with a nail in it.
Taurus Disagree
with everything that is said to you and see what happens.
Cancer The
saying is that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Don't
worry, you'll be safe then.
Libra You're
entire world will come crashing down when you discover that life is
in fact NOT all about beer and skittles. Yes, it does suck.
Virgo A
prophet is not recognised in his own land. That explains why everyone
here hates you. Move to Perth where you will be greeted as a god.
Scorpio He'll
sting you with his dreams of power and wealth. Beware of Scorpio! His
twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world and his
employees' health.
Sagittarius You
will discover that psychics are frauds and their words cannot be
believed. But then if you do that, how do you explain these words?
Capricorn Solve
for x.
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