Aquarius
The stars look
pretty ominous for you this week. But look on the bright side, at
least your friends and family don't like you!
Pisces
The moon tells me
that someone in your house might catch you masturbating this week,
danger danger.
Aries
You might run into
some trouble on the way to uni this week, so slow down when
approaching corners. Your friends are planning on tricking you into
falling into a pit of spikes. Don't say debate didn't warn you.
Taurus
Your crush will take
notice of the fact that you have been hiding outside their house this
week. The stars are aligning perfectly for you two to be together
though, so make sure they know about the shrine in your bedroom.
Gemini
If you put in the
effort, you will realise that the first letter of every article in
debate combines to form an alpha-numeric code which is Ryan Boyd's
cellphone number. If you don't, you will lose your TV remote
forever.
Cancer
This week you will
have to make a tough decision. If you make the wrong choice, someone
close to you will die. Just think though, no matter what you do,
about a million people will die this week anyway.
Leo
There are 3 diseases
that you might get this week. 2 of them are sexually transmitted so
don't have sex. The other one you'll get from NOT having sex and
it will be decidedly worse than the other two. Make your choice.
Virgo
Someone will catch
the worst thing you do this week on camera. debate's advice is to
make sure the worst thing you do isn't that bad. Either that or
make it so awful that major publications won't print it.
Libra
This week it will
seem like the opposite sex is all over you, the stars tell me that
it's because someone spread a rumour about you on Facebook. Roll
with it, next week's rumour will be awful.
Scorpio
6 people will
comment on how they like your new look this week. Two of them will be
telling the truth. 3 of them want to have sex with you but one of
them wants to be with you. The one that wants to be with is the same
sex as you.
Sagittarius
Pluto has rotated
past the 46th degree as of Saturday, this means that you
will witness a car crash and a drug deal. The buyer in the drug deal
is the cause of the car crash, dob her in.
Capricorn
You will score so
much ass this week that your back will hurt. You actually have a
minor spinal injury.
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