1998: a year in review with Mike Atkins
Source: my brain, ‘cos
obviously I remember all this stuff, ‘cos it's really 1998, and
none of this was more than a year ago. And it's not from Wikipedia
‘cos won't be invented for another 5 years, besides it's 1998,
who has the Internet anyway?
January:
-
It's a simpler time now, when we
can spend our days wondering how Evan Dando might get onto a No.1
charity single. What has years of coke use done to Lou Reed? And how
could Boyzone, Tammy Wynette, Burning Spear, and Tom Jones be the
same record? And the BBC answers all those questions, as the year
kicks off with a surreal bang, as Britain's First number one of
the year is what-the-fuck version single of Lou Reed's Perfect
Day by "various artists", recorded for a BBC promo. The song
is re-released at Christmas, as a charity single (I'm gonna guess
for orphans with eczema), and went to number one then too.
February:
-
Celine Dion Releases My Heart
Will Go On which is the biggest single of the year, because Dion
throws vials of patchouli oil at anyone who dares suggest that in
the future the song will become shorthand for terrible music. That
stuff really stings when it gets in your eyes; Robert Christagau
from ‘The Village Voice' is still blind in one eye.
March:
-
‘N sync release ‘*NSYNC',
and the Back Street Boys release ‘Backstreet's Back', kicking
off the battle of the boy bands. And I have to break character to
point out that with 10 years hindsight they really weren't that
bad, it was pop for kids, and they didn't pretend it was anything
else. But at the time we were all apoplectic about the death of
"real music". -Back to 1998.
April:
May:
-
Soon to be forgotten girl band All
Saints release a cover of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers' Under the
Bridge; it's pretty anaemic. But then again, no one likes the
original anymore anyway. And the video starts with one of the girls
trying to play the riff on an acoustic guitar and fucking it up,
which is pretty cute. Then the black one crashes through a wall and
starts scratching it, Run-DMC style.
-
The 31st is a watershed
day for creepy Irish cougars, as B*Witched release C'est La
Vie; no longer do grown women have to be ashamed about being
turned on by 12 year olds in tree houses.
June:
-
Smashing Pumpkins release ‘Adore'.
-
Sublime release live album: ‘Stand
By Your Van'. There's a song called Let's Go Get Stoned so
I can't make a stoner joke. Oh, what the fuck ...and Takaka shut
down for four months - till it got the munchies.
July:
-
The Beastie Boys release ‘Hello
Nasty', and my best friend discovers the repeat button on the CD.
Intergalactic is track 7, and we agree, track 7 is always the
best song on every album.
-
It's a good month for punk as
‘The Pixies at the BBC' and ‘Introducing the Minutemen'
finally see the light of day.
August:
-
The third (but short lived) coming
of Aerosmith begins with the release of the single I Don't Want
to Miss a Thing from the ‘Armageddon' soundtrack. No student
flat will ever be the same as this is now the universally accepted
"shagging song" for when you want to drown out the noise - but
you secretly want everyone in the flat to know exactly what you're
doing.
-
Snoop Dogg releases ‘The Game Is
To Be Sold, Not To Be Told' - his first release without "Doggy"
as a middle name. Fans are understandably confused.
September:
-
Nicholas Cage ain't Bruce
Willis, and Meg Ryan sure ain't no Liv Tyler, but other than that,
Iris (from the ‘City of Angels' soundtrack) by the Goo
Goo Dolls sounds enough like Don't Want To Miss A Thing
that it can often be heard when the Aerosmith CD mysteriously goes
missing. It also spent 18 weeks at number one in the U.S. due to the
Monica Lewinsky affair, and the theft of millions of Aerosmith CDs.
Their reign at number 1 was ended by the release of Pokémon.
-
Jay-Z Releases ‘Vol. 2: Hard
Knock Life', Belle and Sebastian release ‘The Boy with the Arab
Strap', Cat Power releases ‘Moon Pix', and At the Drive-In
release ‘In/Out/Casino' - it's a good month.
October:
-
An old geezer named Phil Collins
announces his descent into obscurity, and irrelevancy when he
releases his greatest hits album: ‘Hits'. ‘Hits' goes to
number 1 in the U.K. and New Zealand. And it is safe to say that
these songs will never ever be heard of ever again, and definitely
not in ads featuring a super intense drum playing gorilla.
-
Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby
One More Time goes to number one on the billboard charts, and
our generation finally has its Phoebe Cates in ‘Fast times at
Ridgemont High', only sluttier. I get hair on my chest.
November:
-
Alanis Morissette releases
sophomore album: ‘Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie', and the
entire nation of India cries "you're welcome Alanis. Just you
don't go back to that Uncle Joey y'hear. He's just a playa...
mmmhhhmm girl, you know how it is".
-
Beck releases "Mutations".
December:
-
Evanescence release their first
EP, only 100 are printed, and it's now a valuable collector's
item. Incidentally Amy Lee from Evanescence wishes she was as cool
as fat Kiwi Amy Lee from ‘Stars in Their Eyes', with that
intense someone-put-tomato-sauce-on-my-crumpets look.
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