Pop N Good #1

Next came Not Another Teen Movie and you reasoned that it was a whole other genre of spoofs, and it couldn’t hurt to take a look. It was kind of funny, so you kept going, watching Scary Movie 3 & 4.

Then Date Movie came out and you figured “what’s the harm?” It was terrible. Worse than terrible. The kind of terrible that makes you mourn the time taken from your life to watch it.

But still you soldier on in your sick sick habit, dragging friends to the stinkfest that was Epic Movie, and planning to see Meet The Spartans in secret.

You have to stop. Don’t see them at the movies. Don’t rent them on DVD. Don’t even steal them off the internet. And for the love of god, don’t see Superhero Movie when it comes out. Call me a bitch, but your wallet, intellect and sense of humour will thank me for it.

I cannot for the life of me understand how there is a big enough market out there for poorly scripted, mind numbingly unfunny take-offs. If this is the sort of thing America demands from its movie industry, I am very afraid for the future.

Spoof movies are that really lame guy at a party. Amusing at first, but then he becomes increasingly desperate, trying anything to catch some lulz. You’re about to tell everyone to ignore him when some fucker comes in and laughs, and sets him off again. Just as you should not encourage the lame guy, you should not encourage the movie industry. There are so many fantastic comedies that could be rewarded with your patronage or even your download theft, but for some reason you people are still choosing to watch the damn spoof.

I understand the desire to see a “candy” movie. One with no nutritional value whatsoever, the kind that makes you feel a little guilty. However we are not dealing with sweet candy movies here. Watching a spoof film is the metaphorical equivalent of eating shit. You should always feel very, very dirty afterwards.