Free Shit
Gimme free shit. There, I said it. Everyone loves freebies and why not?! The free Red Bulls taste that much sweeter, the free soosies taste that much nicer and the free Heralds read that more interesting. You get a nice warm fuzzy feeling and it (usually) brings a smile to anyone’s face. And there’s nothing like giving free stuff away too. When working for 42 Below, I loved giving out free shit; kick ass vodka, choice t-shirts and hacky sacks. It just happened to be one of the sweetest jobs out. And people LOVED it, who wouldn’t? Free booze? Bring it on!!
Me and annaloren recently-ish stole free water bottles from the debate office- yes, STOLE freebies… losers. At the time it seemed so “Pinky and the Brain”, so sneaky, so covert. It wasn’t. Especially since we both had our own water bottles to start with. Total losers. So whilst walking up Queen St we saw some homeless and asked if they would like them. Yes, with a huge thankful smile, was the response. Good karma brownie points. High five!
So it got me thinking… there should definitely be more freebies in the
world. I’m not talking about out of place freebies, but things that we
have to buy as humans we didn’t ask for. For example, water. We need
water to survive, but do we get it free? Ok well kind of, but what I’m
getting at is that we shouldn’t really have to pay heaps for a
commodity that keeps us alive.
Something that should absolutely, definitely be free is tampons. As
women, we don’t ASK to get our bloody, ahem cough, periods. We don’t
put our hand up and say “Oh, me, me, me, I want to bleed at some point
of every month for a good chunk of my life! That sounds AWESOME”! It’s
not. At all. But what really makes this experience worse it having to
pay for the bastards. Bloody, ahem cough, unfair I say. This brings me
to another toilet concept: bog roll. We don’t ASK to poo and wee our
entire life, but we do. We have to! And to have to pay for toilet paper
is frustrating and mean.
I was bleating to Mum about how smoke alarms should be free, and
apparently they are. Well there you go, shame on me. But there should
be issued smoke alarms to each family or household. Once a year would
be great. Or even if I have to pay every second year, it wouldn’t
bother me.
Pak ‘n Save bags should be free bags. It dampens the whole shopping
at the lowest price buzz if you have to pay for your own bags. Sure you
could argue that we need to save the environment and cut out (or down)
plastic bag usage, but I’m constantly forgetting to take my Kermit bag
to the supermarket, therefore defeating the point. But 10c a bag?
Seriously? Are you kidding me? Piss off.
Now I understand that all of these products need to be made, hence
having to pay for it. I just thought I’d put it out to the universe
that I would definitely appreciate more freebies and if the powers that
be could work on it, that would be fantastic. If you agree then get
your “putting-it-out-to-the-universe” cap on, because we could all do
with freebies!! Except all the rich celebrities who can obviously pay
for things, yet get extreme free stuff. They don’t count. They suck.
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