In hindsight, the stupidest thing I did was having ‘just the one’ cigarette. That was New Years 2007. It was never a peer pressure thing, more a “why not” situation. From there I ended up buying my first pack of cigarettes so I didn’t piss my mates off when I scabbed the odd one. Problem is when you buy a pack you kind of feel obliged to finish it so you’re not wasting your money. Three months down the track and many packs later, it clicked in my head that I might just be addicted to the killers.
That was just over a year now, and since then I’ve made countless attempts, weak ones at that, to quit smoking. But this time around it HAS to be done which is also half the motive in writing this article. I figure if I make it public enough there’ll be more pressure there to quit. And if you’re a smoker, I reckon you should have a crack at quitting with me. “There’s a million reasons to quit but none to start,” does this hold any resonance to you?
Here are my reasons:
- In the last year I’ve noticed the effects of smoking on my health. Usually a fit person I find general exercise taxing, I get sick more frequently and coughing just isn’t a charming process at all.
- Unless you’re dating a smoker, nobody wants to pash an ashtray. My recent men of interest do not find my smoking attractive whatsoever. This has led to a few pathetic arguments in which I find I have no logical reasoning to defend my position as a smoker.
- My Nana would be turning in her grave. My Grandad also quit smoking after about 60 years of addiction and would be incredibly disappointed in me if he found out that I am a smoker. I hate lying to my family and to myself when I deny it.
- The stale smell of cigarettes on clothing and in my hair is repulsive.
- I don’t even want to know how much money I’ve wasted on possibly giving myself cancer and heart disease.
- Smoking doesn’t keep fresh breath, and it’s beginning to stain my teeth.
- I don’t even get a kick out of it anymore; in fact when I do have a cigarette I get head rush and sometimes feel like I want to vomit. What the hell is the point?
- The pressure from friends to quit smoking. The stigma that smoking is related to peer pressure is so incredibly false. I think the pressure has shifted to quit, not start.
Plenty of reasons indeed to quit smoking, yet I haven’t done it yet. I even had to tell Ryan that this was going to be a two-part feature because I haven’t gone one day without a cigarette, knowing all too well that I was writing this.
So why can’t I do it? Firstly, nicotine is an addictive drug. Before I started smoking I wondered what the big deal was, but I believe it now. My body goes in to a crazy sense of withdrawal and I definitely notice a strange feeling of having to get a ‘fix’ to make the uneasiness go away. Secondly, smoking is related to feelings. I’ll come home from a hectic day and nothing makes me happier than to sit on the porch with a cigarette and ponder. I’ll smoke when I’m infuriated, sad, lonely, happy or excited; smoking seems to calm everything down. Thirdly, smoking is a habitual thing. I think this is the hardest aspect for me because when I try to stop I become incredibly conscious of when and where I smoke, and it feels like I’m naked. Coffee and cigarettes, partying and cigarettes, having a break at work and cigarettes; it’s concreted into my daily life. It’s this consciousness of not having a cigarette that is tough, and more often than not I cave because I’m too lazy to battle with my head. Does this ring any bells to those that have tried to quit?
When I put it into context, smoking is pathetic and displays a lack of willpower. This pisses me off. I shouldn’t be subject to a stick of dried leaves and various poisons that the evil cigarette companies throw in for good measure. I’m usually a strong-willed individual that can do pretty much anything I put my mind to, except this. My excuse is usually, “Oh I’ll quit tomorrow seeing as I’ve already had one today.” Bullshit. We have to think that today is the day we quit smoking.
So the wheels are in motion. I’ve told friends and flatmates about my intentions and have asked them to be complete assholes to me if they see me lighting up. It’s already working; I have cut down because I’d prefer not to smoke rather than get the silent treatment and evil stares, an amusing yet effective method. Another thing, if you’re a friend to someone who wants to quit, DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT THEM WHEN THEY SAY THEY WANT TO STOP. Many have done this to me, not that I blame them after many attempts and failures, but it does make me doubt myself and I need all the willpower I can get.
So my goal for now is this; get through one day without a cigarette, and the day after that, and a day after that until I’ve gone seven days without smoking. I know when I hit the one week jackpot things will begin to get a bit easier and I can set my next goal. I’m probably going to be a cranky bitch and not know what to do with myself, but it’ll happen. Next week will feature the chronicles of my plight, and every mood swing that comes with it.
If you’re a smoker please, please, please quit with me. Do yourself a favour and respect your body. It’ll be nice to think that someone out there is suffering with me. Well then, that’s it… wish me luck.
Subscribe to this comment's feed