The Upside of Petrol Hikes

Quite frankly I’m sick and tired of this petrol nonsense. The complaining, news-headlining and gas-station-competing isn’t going to do bugger all to reduce the prices so we may as well suck it up and consider ourselves doomed. DOOOMMMEEED!!! Children studying history in generation’s time will groan as the teacher informs them that the ‘Petrol crisis of the early 21st century’ will take up most of the curriculum. It’s the new Depression.
    Maybe we should just resign to the fact that this is it for us now; we live in a world where petrol is worth just as much as gold teeth. And while we admit defeat, let’s look at the jump in prices from a more positive point of view.

Upside #1
According to my calculations, if I put $10 into my car fondly known as Carmen Casanova - The Honda of Passion, then with today’s prices I’m actually only going to get a measly $5 worth of petrol. We’re effectively getting half of what we’re paying for if you put it into the dollar context. Complete scam I hear you say? Well, sure, if you want to be all Nigel Negativity on our asses. But let’s change our perspective here to time efficiency. If we’re only getting half of what we pay for in petrol, as in only half the amount of gas is being pumped into our cars, then surely this means our pumping time gets cut in half too! We are saving more time people; this is what we’re missing here. That corporate fat man swinging in his chair and puffing on his Cuban cigar was looking out for us after all. Shucks.

Upside #2
The weekend has rolled around. You’re feeling like a senile geriatric and all you want
to do for the night is watch DVDs with your teddy bear BooBoo. Of course this is socially unacceptable and it’s not worth mentioning what your heart truly desires to your friends, for fear of being ridiculed and subsequently being talked into going out. Like Bic Runga I’m easily swayed so I need a good reason. And then it hit me, I’ve had my reason creeping up on me for several years now. A quick text saying you’d “luv 2 cum out bt unfortun@ly da petrol $$$ iz raining on da parade lolz” will sort it all out. While friends may be disappointed and push it a bit further, they’ll finally concede with a “totz xox” knowing all too well the pressures of today’s petrol prices on the student pocket.

Upside #3
I’m sure people are driving more conservatively these days. Drivers are thinking twice before slamming the foot down on the pedal because it uses more gas. And every little drop counts. So not only are people becoming less ignorant to the concept of petrol conservation, but it also means there are less wanker’s driving on our roads these days. Maybe. I can’t confirm this; it’s more a vain hope. No longer will dickheads pull out at intersections at such speed that you wondered why they stopped in the first place. Instead they will slowly glide out in a leisurely fashion. You won’t have some imbecile honing in on your ass from 2km away in a matter of seconds either. A friend pointed out there will probably be less Remuera housewives on the roads too, which she sees as a definite upside. However, we concluded that they can probably still afford the petrol and their manicures to boot, so cancel that.

Upside #4
The obesity epidemic that the media seemed to be harping on about a while back may have found its indirect opponent. We may see a natural shift from the laziness of driving everywhere to actually, I don’t know, maybe getting off our rumps to walk or cycle. At the very least society can fight the bulge by walking a minimal distance to the bus stop. It’s a start.

Upside #5
Journalists, politicians and old people. Another reason to analyse, complain and generally drivel on and on and on. Not necessarily an upside for those that don’t care, but it keeps them happy.

Upside #6
Depending on your filling up strategy, you may find yourself at the petrol station more often. I think this concerns students specifically in that a lot of us fill our cars up in $10 bits, $20 if we’ve hit the jackpot. Upside to this? More time spent with the helpful and all round delightful people that work at petrol stations. Any excuse to have a bit of mindless banter and ponder at how the human brain works is easily done in this situation.

Upside #7
You could take this situation to be more of a reason to experience the joys of organising a carpool. Heck, who wouldn’t want to call four other people to see what time they have to be at work or university in the morning and what time would it suit them to get picked up and who should we pick up first? Susie? Oh no wait because she lives on the other side of town so it would have to be Mary-Jane and then Maynard and then Susie but now Barry wants a lift so that’s ruined the entire plan… Who’s going to pay for parking? Maynard totally hasn’t paid for two weeks now so it should be his turn but now he’s just told Susie he doesn’t want to carpool now! WTF?!?!?!

Upside #8
To anyone that has lived in Pukekohe and really doesn’t give two steaming turds as to who is better, Holden or Ford.